Keeping me on my toes...

After putting Jakob to bed tonight, I found him a few minutes later crying in bed, because "I miss Roxy." Oh my gosh my heart breaks for my sensitive little guy, he really does feel her loss still, it's almost been a year since she died. This came out of nowhere, well he did say that he missed his cousins Sam and Ben at bedtime, maybe that is connected somehow.

Anyhow, he said, "I miss Roxy so much, do you think she is sad without us?"

I explained how it's ok to be sad when you miss someone or when someone dies, and he said that it "hurts so bad to miss them", I explained heart break and how it hurts. These are conversations I thought I'd be having in the teenage years, not at age 5, he is wise beyond his years.

I told him how when I was driving thru our old neighborhood last week, I teared up thinking about Roxy (didn't tell him that I cried over the memory of Mark and I driving her to the Vet for the last time, while she was whimpering in pain, us pulling over so that I could sit near her in the backseat of the Volvo, her looking at me like she knew exactly what was going on - this all ran thru my mind on my drive last week and I was weeping on the way to my nursing conference - yeah maybe he gets that sensitivity from me?).

We talked about Roxy and the things we don't miss, her stinky breath, her constant whining, her skunk smelling head! Laughed a bit and then remembered all the great things about her and what a great protector of nightmares she was for Jakob and how sweet she was with Sarah, even when Sarah poked her in the eyeball before she passed away!

We talked about how she is keeping GiGi Dode, GG Rachel and my little student that passed away a couple months ago (Lesly) company up in heaven and that maybe the rainbow that I saw today was Roxy's way of making me happy today.

Jakob asked why doctors and vets can't fix everyone, I didn't really have an answer, just that nobody is perfect and sometimes God needs you in heaven and if we all lived forever there wouldn't be enough room on earth for us - that, I think made sense to him.

I know Jakob is always going to keep me on my toes with questions about life, death, science and whatever else comes along. I just wish I knew all the answers, or had something prepared or even an inkling of when he might ask these giant questions!!!